Tips to Improve and Deepen Your Relationship
Relationships are complex, dynamic, and deeply rewarding when cared for thoughtfully. Below are a range of practical strategies—drawn from both parts of our previous blogs— to help you strengthen connection, communication, and emotional intimacy.
1. Fight (and Argue) Better
Conflict is inevitable, even in healthy relationships. What matters is how you engage with it.
Use Transactional Analysis (TA)
TA suggests each of us communicates from one of three “ego states”: Parent (controlling, judging), Adult (neutral, present), or Child (defensive, reactive). Conflicts often escalate when one partner speaks from Parent and the other from Child. Recognising these modes can help you shift into Adult—where clearer dialogue and resolution become more possible. Take a moment to learn more about the PAC model.
Pause and self-check
Before reacting, notice your tone, posture, or inner dialogue. Are you slipping into judgment or defensiveness? Taking a brief pause can reset you into a more centred state.
Pause and self-check
Before reacting, notice your tone, posture, or inner dialogue. Are you slipping into judgment or defensiveness? Taking a brief pause can reset you into a more centred state.
Reverse the argument
A useful exercise: try to honestly express your partner’s point of view. Not in a mocking way, but with empathy and accuracy. This can deepen your understanding of them—and help them feel understood. Doing this as an exercise where you both try to mirror accurately what your partner’s thoughts and feelings are on a subject you disagree on can build greater understanding. Only do this when you are both feeling grounded and able to talk in first person as the other, without interjecting your thoughts and feelings. It is a simple exercise but can be hard to get right.
Identify and name your parts
During conflict, tune into: What is my body telling me? Which emotions are active? What automatic thoughts are arising? How am I behaving? Becoming aware of these signals gives you space to respond more wisely, rather than react unconsciously.
2. Learn to Listen—Really Listen
Effective communication isn’t just talking; it’s listening with intention and openness.
Pay attention: face your partner, lean in, maintain eye contact (as is comfortable), and resist interrupting.
Ask non-judgmental, clarifying questions: “Help me understand more about how you felt when…”
Reflect and summarise: “So what I hear you saying is…” or “It seems like you felt…”
Suspend blame or defensiveness: allow your partner to be fully heard before offering counterpoints.
When people feel genuinely heard, even intense disagreements can become opportunities for growth.
3. Speak Your Partner’s (Emotional) Language
We all express and receive love differently. Understanding this can help you feel more connected.
Recognise personality differences
One partner may be more extroverted and expressive, the other more reflective and inward. Acknowledging these preferences can prevent misunderstandings.
Explore the “love languages”
According to Gary Chapman, love is often communicated through:
1. Acts of service
2. Words of affirmation
3. Quality time
4. Physical touch
5. Receiving gifts
Each of you can list what “love” means to you, then share and compare.
This provides valuable clues for meeting one another’s needs.
4. Respect Individuality—and Spend Time Apart
Ironically, maintaining healthy boundaries and space can bring you closer together.
Avoid overdependence: doing everything together can stifle growth.
Balance with focused togetherness: plan “attentive time” where you fully engage with one another. Even 20 minutes of undistracted connection daily can strengthen your bond.
5. Appreciate Differences & Cultivate Empathy
Disagreements or diverging values are inevitable. What matters is your response.
Acknowledge and validate differences: one view doesn’t cancel out the other. Both perspectives can be valid.
Ask curious questions: “How did you arrive at that view?” or “What experiences led you to feel that way?”
Practice emotional humility: sometimes the most loving stance is simply, “Tell me more. I want to understand.”
6. Build a Safe Emotional Space
The strongest relationships are those where each person feels free to be vulnerable.
Be a witness, not a judge: when your partner shares something hard, your role is to listen, reflect, and affirm.
Offer consistent reassurance: simple phrases like “I’m here for you” or “That was brave to say” build trust.
Protect confidentiality and non-reactivity: never weaponise what your partner confides in you.
7. Small Acts of Kindness, Big Impact
Love often lives in the everyday gestures.
Look for cues and follow through: remember small details your partner values.
Offer unexpected warmth: a kind word, gentle touch, or thoughtful gesture can soften tension.
Celebrate joy together: play, laughter, and shared adventures keep the relationship alive.
Putting It All Together
These tips aren’t isolated—many reinforce one another. Listening helps you adapt fighting into conflict rupture and repair. Knowing your partner’s love language makes kindness more meaningful. Time apart preserves individuality, which feeds the relationship.
Start small. Choose one or two practices this week—listen more deeply, try reversing an argument, or balance time apart and together. Over time, the benefits build.
And remember: if your relationship feels unsafe or harmful, seek support right away. Helpful resources include: